


My number neighbor

by ArwenLightwood



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Lots of tumblr references, M/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2020-09-25 09:43:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20374699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArwenLightwood/pseuds/ArwenLightwood
Summary: THIS FIC IS NOW COMPLETE.I'm just adding some chapters to help people get through this lockdown <3[07:18PM] (+1)279-654-9976: hey, number neighbor. What’s up. Do you have any images of Cenozoic animals with their mouth open? Something like this:[07:18PM] (+1)279-654-9976: [IMG]





	1. Why do you need to know?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic written in this format, so I hope it works.  
Most of the topics discussed here come from tumblr and twitter posts I have been bookmarking for the past year. I will try to add my sources at the end of every chapter.  
English is still not my first language (shocking), let me know if there are any big mistakes!  
<3

**[September 23]**

**[07:18PM] **(+1)279-654-9976**: **_hey, number neighbor. What’s up. Do you have any images of Cenozoic animals with their mouth open? Something like this:_

**[07:18PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: **[IMG]**

**[07:47PM] **(+1)279-654-9977: **Who is this?**

**[07:49PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _dude, your number neighbor._

**[07:49PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _don’t tell me you’re an 87-year-old man struggling to understand how his phone works_

**[07:50PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _cause that’s (+1)279-654-9975 and talking to him wasn’t fun_

**[07:52PM] **(+1)279-654-9977: **Are you seriously texting random numbers asking for animal pictures?**

**[07:53PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _not random numbers. MY neighbors!!! I’m being polite by texting you first_

**[07:53PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _you’re welcome btw_

**[07:53PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _AND I’m not looking for any animal pictures. They need to be of Cenozoic ones_

**[07:56PM] **(+1)279-654-9977: **This is for furry art, isn’t it?**

**[07:57PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _DUDE!!!!_

**[07:57PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _NOOOO!!!!!!!_

**[08:10PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: I guess you’re not 87 if you know what furry art is, though

**[08:10PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: BUT AGAIN

**[08:10PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: NO

**[08:23PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: but if you’re into that, that’s alright. I’m not judging you

**[08:24PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: I just want to photoshop microphones on them so they look like they’re singing

**[08:31PM] **(+1)279-654-9977: **????????????????????**

**[08:32PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: **[](https://ibb.co/ZTZKWyP)**

**[08:33PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: see????

**[08:35PM] **(+1)279-654-9977: **You’re spending your Friday night doing that? How old are you? 10?**

**[08:36PM] **(+1)279-654-9976:_rude_

**[08:36PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _I’m 17_

**[08:37PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _and I’m not giving you any more personal information, but yeah, this is how I’m spending my Friday night_

**[08:37PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _wanna know why?_

**[08:43PM] **(+1)279-654-9977: **Something tells me you’re going to tell me anyway**

**[08:44PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _smart boy_

**[08:48PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _i told my dad I’m gay and he laughed it off, criticized my clothes and grounded me for joking about something like that_

**[08:49PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _then I told my best friend, who’s been too busy sucking face with his new girlfriend to notice that im a fucking mess and he laughed too_

**[08:50PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _so yeah, this is how im spending my Friday night_

**[08:50PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _do you have any pictures I could use or not?_

**[09:22PM] **(+1)279-654-9977: **[IMG]**

**[09:22PM] **(+1)279-654-9977: **[IMG]**

**[09:22PM] **(+1)279-654-9977: **[IMG]**

**[09:22PM] **(+1)279-654-9977: **Have fun.**

**[09:57PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _thanks_

**[September 26]**

**[03:08AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _have you ever played a videogame where you have to sleep to recover but they only let you do it if everything is safe? Otherwise they won’t let you sleep_

**[03:08AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _and you get a message saying “you cannot sleep now, there are monsters nearby” or smth like that_

**[03:09AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _do you remember the last time you just couldn’t get to sleep? IRL?_

**[03:10AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _because I cant sleep right now_

**[03:12AM] **(+1)279-654-9977: **Are you fucking serious?**

**[03:12AM] **(+1)279-654-9977: **It’s 3 a.m. Stop. Texting. Me.**

**[03:12AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _were you sleeping?_

**[03:13AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _that means you’re somewhere safe then_

**[03:13AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _lucky you_

**[03:15AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: **What the hell do you want?**

**[03:15AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _you’re a little ray of sunshine, aren’t you?_

**[03:16AM] **(+1)279-654-9977: **I could be a serial killer looking for my next victim**

**[03:16AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _why so angry_

**[03:17AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _do you have anger issues?_

**[03:17AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _i need to change your contact info btw_

**[03:17AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _care to give me your name?_

**[03:19AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _otherwise I’ll get creative_

**[03:22AM] **(+1)279-654-9977: **Fuck off**

**[03:23AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _so sour_

**[03:23AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _also, why do you keep texting me back? Were you already awake? Are you a vampire? Were you howling at the moon?_

**[03:24AM] **(+1)279-654-9977: **I have a fucking chemistry test at 8 tomorrow**

**[03:25AM] **(+1)279-654-9977: **And I need to leave my phone on or my alarm won’t go off in the morning**

**[03:25AM] **(+1)279-654-9977: **Don’t make me block your number**

**[03:26AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _SO YOU’RE A HIGH SCHOOLER LIKE ME. YAY_

**[03:26AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _anyway_

**[03:27AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _i’m sorry. Go get your beauty sleep. And good luck tomorrow. Chemistry totally sucks._

**[03:28AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _ps: I’m calling you sourwolf. I like werewolves better than vampires_

**[03:28AM] **Sourwolf: **Night.**

**[04:57PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _So how did it go?_

**[05:26PM] **Sourwolf: **Ok.**

**[05:31PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _good_

**[05:32PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _ I’d be very mad if you had done badly at your test after I let you sleep_

**[05:32PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _cause I didn’t sleep AT ALL til 6_

**[05:33PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _and then I dreamed that scientists used a really bad picture of me to prove humans are related to goats_

**[05:33PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _I was so insulted I woke up_

**[05:34PM] **Sourwolf: **Are you for real?**

**[05:34PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _:)_

**[September 27]**

**[11:40PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _BEDTIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING: YES IT’S TIME. TO GET UNCONSCIOUS_

**[11:43PM] **Sourwolf: **Are you okay?**

**[11:44PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _exhausted but yes_

**[11:44PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _why?_

**[11:55PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _do you care about me, sourwolf?_

**[11:58PM] **Sourwolf: **Fuck you.**

**[11:59PM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _;)_

**[September 28]**

**[12:23AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _im not even good enough to be what I am_

**[12:29AM] **Sourwolf: **?????**

**[12:29AM] **Sourwolf: **That doesn’t make any sense**

**[12:34AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _dude, I’m fucking gay_

**[12:34AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _I’m like 99.99% sure but not even my dad believes me_

**[12:34AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _bc I’m not handsome enough_

**[12:35AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _and my clothes apparently suck_

**[12:36AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _I’ve always known that I’m fucking mediocre, but I didn’t know I wasn’t even good enough to be what I really am_

**[12:40AM] **Sourwolf: **Stop calling me dude. I hate that. Use ‘bro’ if you want, but not dude.**

**[12:44AM] **Sourwolf: **Also, assuming someone must dress nicely just because they’re gay is an insulting stereotype. Your sexual orientation doesn’t need validation from other people**

**[12:54AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _woah_

**[12:54AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _I know all that but fuck_

**[12:55AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _I needed to hear it from someone else, you know? It makes it more real_

**[12:59AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _and sorry for calling you dude. I will respect your preferred bronouns from now on_

**[01:02AM] **Sourwolf: **Asshole.**

**[01:03AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _aww stop pretending_

**[01:03AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _I know now you care about me. You’re a fluffy marshmallow, aren’t you_

**[01:04AM] **(+1)279-654-9976: _have you saved my number yet? What have you named me? I have a few ideas if you need some_

**[01:08AM] **Sourwolf: **No need for ideas**

**[01:08AM] **Sourwolf: **Human Goat**

**[01:08AM] **Sourwolf: **;)**

**[01:09AM] **Human Goat: _FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!_

** **

**[September 29]**

**[10:11AM] **Human Goat: _I know we’re not sharing personal info or anything_

**[10:11AM] **Human Goat: _but could you at least tell me how old you are?_

**[10:11AM] **Human Goat: _also confirm you’re a guy_

**[10:46AM] **Sourwolf: **Why do you need to know?**

**[10:50AM] **Human Goat: _idk_

**[10:51AM] **Human Goat: _it’s weird not knowing_

**[10:53AM] **Sourwolf: **You texted me out of the blue asking for pictures of Cenozoic animals screaming but not knowing my age is weird?**

**[10:54AM] **Human Goat: _yep_

**[10:55AM] **Sourwolf:**I’ll be 18 in five weeks**

**[10:55AM] **Sourwolf: **And yes, I am a guy**

**[10:55AM] **Sourwolf: **So are you, right?**

**[10:57AM] **Human Goat: _Yeah_

**[10:57AM] **Human Goat: _Thanks for humoring me_

**[10:58AM] **Sourwolf: **Don’t mention it**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The thing about the Cenozoic animals comes from this [tweet](https://twitter.com/Monochromemutt/status/1030851813921054720)
> 
> The sleep thing comes from a tumblr post by meepIol I found on instagram.
> 
> And the unconscious thing is also from tumblr, but I cant find it now.


	2. *wink wink*

**[September 29]**

**[02:30PM] **Human Goat: _Do you like high school?_

**[03:43PM] **Sourwolf: **Doesn’t everybody hate it?**

**[03:48PM] **Human Goat: _idk_

**[03:48PM] **Human Goat: _popular kids look like they enjoy it_

**[03:49PM] **Human Goat: _I don’t see why those in my school would hate it_

**[03:50PM] **Human Goat: _im not gonna say names because you won’t know them, but there’s a group of kids at my school that look like fucking models and spend their free time making people like me miserable_

**[03:50PM] **Human Goat: _im not exaggerating_

**[03:51PM] **Sourwolf: **And they are all assholes?**

**[03:52PM] **Human Goat: _pretty much_

**[03:52PM] **Human Goat: _well_

**[03:52PM] **Human Goat: _there’s one guy who hangs out with them_

**[03:54PM] **Human Goat: _he looks like a god, I swear. Hazel eyes, perfect cheekbones, cutest smile in California. And he’s always reading!!!!! Ive heard he’s a pretty decent student too. So he may be a bit better than the others and that makes him the worst_

**[03:57PM] **Sourwolf: **Why?**

**[03:57PM] **Human Goat: _because he’s too perfect and yet he decides to spend his time with those assholes???????_

**[03:58PM] **Human Goat: _he changed schools two years ago and immediately became friends with them just because they are all hot_

**[04:03PM] **Sourwolf: **Sounds like you’re mad at him because you have a crush**

**[04:03PM] **Human Goat: _shut up_

**[October 1]**

**[06:07PM] **Human Goat: _d__id you know in German people don’t say ‘I don’t care’ but ‘Das ist mir Wurst’__which roughly translates as ‘this is sausage to me’?_

**[06:07PM] **Human Goat: _i__t’s beautiful_

**[06:17PM] **Sourwolf: **This is sausage to me.**

**[06:20PM] **Human Goat: _ooooh_

**[06:20PM] **Human Goat: _you’ve got jokes now_

**[06:23PM] **Human Goat: _I like it_

**[October 2]**

**[10:39PM] **Sourwolf: **Why did you tell your dad and best friend?**

**[10:41PM] **Human Goat _omg_

**[10:41PM] **Human Goat _you’ve texted me FIRST_

**[10:41PM] **Human Goat: _I knew you liked me :)_

**[10:42PM] **Human Goat: _tell them what?_

**[10:42PM] **Sourwolf: **That you’re gay**

**[10:43PM] **Human Goat: _I didn’t want to lie to them_

**[10:44PM] **Human Goat: _and I really wanted to have someone to talk about all the guys I find hot_

**[10:44PM] **Human Goat: _why you asking?_

**[10:46PM] **Sourwolf: **Forget it**

**[01:13AM] **Sourwolf: **If I told my uncle he’d send me to conversion therapy**

**[01:13AM] **Sourwolf: **And I have no friends I can trust**

**[01:34AM] **Human Goat: _wait_

**[01:34AM] **Human Goat: _if you told them you’re…?_

**[01:35AM] **Sourwolf: **Gay.**

**[01:36AM] **Human Goat: _man that sucks_

**[01:36AM] **Human Goat: _do you really think your uncle would send you to therapy???!!!_

**[01:36AM] **Human Goat: _that’s so messed up_

**[01:37AM] **Sourwolf: **I know.**

**[01:39AM] **Human Goat: _but hey_

**[01:39AM] **Human Goat: _I totally support you, you know?_

**[01:40AM] **Human Goat: _and you said you’re about to turn 18?_

**[01:40AM] **Human Goat: _I guess that means you’re going to college now or in the near future?_

**[01:41AM] **Sourwolf: **Next year**

**[01:41AM] **Sourwolf: **I couldn’t graduate on time**

**[01:42AM] **Human Goat: _we’ll find lots of people like us in college_

**[01:42AM] **Human Goat: _no one will care about all this then_

**[01:42AM] **Human Goat: _and you won’t be living with your family, will you?_

**[01:43AM] **Human Goat: _or are you staying around?_

**[01:44AM] **Sourwolf: **I’m going to Berkeley**

**[01:45AM] **Sourwolf: **I guess you’re right**

**[01:45AM] **Sourwolf: **I don’t have any more family. It’s just my uncle.**

**[01:45AM] **Human Goat: _BRO!!! I’M GOING TO BERKELEY NEXT YEAR TOO!!!!!!_

**[01:46AM] **Human Goat: _HOW COOL IS THAT?_

**[01:46AM] **Human Goat: _(I bet you don’t want to talk about your family situation, right? But thanks for sharing. I only have my dad, too)_

**[01:48AM] **Sourwolf: **Thank you.**

**[01:49AM] **Human Goat: _anytime :)_

**[October 3]**

**[12:40PM] **Human Goat: _so…_

**[12:40PM] **Human Goat: _are you dating someone?_

**[01:20PM] **Sourwolf: **Why**

**[01:25PM] **Human Goat: _idk_

**[01:26PM] **Human Goat: _I mean_

**[01:26PM] **Human Goat: _you said you had no real friends_

**[01:27PM] **Human Goat: _so…_

**[01:28PM] **Human Goat: _maybe you want someone to talk about your boyfriend/crushes/hookups?_

**[01:30PM] **Sourwolf: **I can’t risk dating someone now**

**[01:30PM] **Sourwolf: **I don’t know how my classmates would react**

**[01:31PM] **Sourwolf: **And I really don’t want my uncle finding out**

**[01:33PM] **Human Goat: _makes sense_

**[01:33PM] **Human Goat: _any crushes?_

**[01:34PM] **Human Goat: _*wink wink*_

**[01:35PM] **Sourwolf: **Why do you care**

**[01:35PM] **Human Goat: _come ooooon_

**[01:35PM] **Human Goat: _it’s not like im gonna know who youre talking about_

**[01:36PM] **Human Goat: _and I cant out you, man_

**[01:36PM] **Human Goat: _AND_

**[01:36PM] **Human Goat: _I would never do that_

**[01:36PM] **Human Goat: _I consider you my friend_

**[01:39PM] **Sourwolf: **You’re too easy if you already consider me your friend**

**[01:40PM] **Human Goat: _asshole_

**[October 4]**

**[08:00PM] **Sourwolf: **There is a guy, but I think he’s straight**

**[08:00PM] **Sourwolf: **He also hates me for some reason**

**[08:27PM] **Human Goat: _have you ever talked to him??_

**[08:29PM] **Sourwolf: **I tried when we first met, but he didn’t give me a chance**

**[08:30PM] **Human Goat: _sounds like a jerk then_

**[08:31PM] **Sourwolf: **I think he’s defensive because there are too many morons around. I bet I’m just one of them for him**

**[08:31PM] **Human Goat: _prove him wrong then_

**[08:32PM] **Sourwolf: **I’m not going to try anything. I told you: it’s too risky**

**[08:33PM] **Human Goat: _right_

**[08:33PM] **Human Goat: _it still sucks_

**[08:34PM] **Human Goat: _we should get a normal high school experience, you know_

**[08:34PM] **Human Goat: _waiting till college to live isn’t fair_

**[08:35PM] **Sourwolf: **I know.**

**[08:44PM] **Sourwolf: **How are things with your dad? And your friend?**

**[08:47PM] **Human Goat: _same as always_

**[08:48PM] **Human Goat: _I haven’t mentioned the issue since then_

**[08:48PM] **Human Goat: _it’s not like I have a boyfriend to introduced them to _

**[08:49PM] **Human Goat: _I haven’t even kissed a guy before so… who cares_

**[08:51PM] **Sourwolf: **I’m sorry**

**[08:52PM] **Human Goat: _not your fault_

**[08:52PM] **Human Goat: _in fact, thanks to them I texted you because I was miserable, remember?_

**[08:53PM] **Human Goat: _and you’ve made my days a bit better_

**[08:53PM] **Human Goat: _so thanks_

**[08:54PM] **Sourwolf: **Ditto**

**[08:54PM] **Human Goat: _:)_

**[October 5]**

**[07:19PM] **Human Goat: _do racoons have people hands_

**[07:19PM] **Human Goat: _OR_

**[07:19PM] **Human Goat: _do people have raccoon hands_

**[07:19PM] **Human Goat: _thoughts?_

**[07:51PM] **Sourwolf: **I thought humans were closer to goats**

**[07:56PM] **Human Goat: _I should have never told you about that dream_

**[08:14PM] **Sourwolf: **:)**

**[October 6]**

**[00:06AM] **Human Goat:_you know how Legolas claims to be able to count horsemen and discern their hair color five leagues away on a bright, sunny day?_

**[00:11AM] **Sourwolf: **Sure.**

**[00:14AM] **Human Goat: _I was trying to figure out whether Legolas had very strange-looking eyes or some means of nonvisual perception or something_

**[00:15AM] **Human Goat: _turns out that his pupils were about 3.5cm wide each_

**[00:15AM] **Human Goat: _kawaii Legolas ftw_

**[00:33AM] **Sourwolf: **His pupils aren’t the problem. Five leagues equal 17.262 miles. The curvature of the Earth means that for a person of average height, the visual horizon is less than three miles away. Even if your vision is telescopic and the atmosphere perfectly clear, you can’t see around the planet.**

**[00:36AM] **Sourwolf: **If they were standing on a hill, it would have to be at least 198 feet above sea level in order to see the horizon at 17.2 miles away, with nothing tall in between.**

**[00:37AM] **Sourwolf: **Which, knowing Rohan, isn’t impossible. But consider Elven satellite eyeballs**

**[00:38AM] **Human Goat: _Oh. My. God._

**[00:38AM] **Human Goat: _BUT WAIT_

**[00:43AM] **Human Goat: _The Silmarillion states that the world was curved after the fall of Numenor (I believe), preventing access to Valinor. But Elves (among others) can travel the straight path across it_

**[00:43AM] **Human Goat: _so middle earth is round, but not for Elves because magic_

**[00:44AM] **Sourwolf: **So Elves can see that far because they have the ability to ignore the curve of the Earth?**

**[00:44AM] **Human Goat: _exactly_

**[00:46AM] **Human Goat: _elves are flat-earthers_

**[00:47AM] **Sourwolf: **I definitely didn’t need to know that**

**[00:49AM] **Human Goat: _this conversation was a rollercoaster of emotions_

**[00:49AM] **Sourwolf: **For Elves it was a straight line**

**[00:49AM] **Human Goat: _YOURE KILLING ME_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The LOTR post is a masterpiece from tumblr. Best thing I have ever seen online. I don't have the link to the original post, but if you want to check the tumblrs of those involved in that conversation you can see it [here](https://www.instagram.com/p/B1QWMtglWd0/?igshid=1kzy5e1wmau1f) on IG.
> 
> The German thing and the raccoons are also from tumblr, but I cant find them because I suck at taking notes (if anyone knows the source, please let me know!!)
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3


	3. 45 million kangaroos

**[October 7]**

**[01:13AM] **Human Goat: _there are roughly 45 million kangaroos worldwide and there are 24.6 million people in Australia_

**[01:14AM] **Human Goat: _so if there was an instance that kangaroos rebelled against Australians, each individual would have to fight off almost two kangaroos_

**[01:14AM] **Human Goat: _I don’t know if they could do it_

**[01:14AM] **Human Goat: _I’m worried, bro_

**[01:17AM] **Sourwolf: **You know Australia is pretty far away, right? Kangaroos would never get to America**

**[01:17AM] **Human Goat: _how can you be so sure?_

**[01:18AM] **Sourwolf: **I don’t even understand how you come up with these things**

**[01:20AM] **Human Goat: _boredom_

**[01:20AM] **Human Goat: _and Adderall_

**[01:20AM] **Human Goat: _did you know you cant masturbate when you take Adderall?_

**[01:20AM] **Human Goat: _blood belongs to the brain today_

**[01:21AM] **Sourwolf: **I REALLY did not need to know that**

**[01:21AM] **Sourwolf: **STOP OVERSHARING**

**[01:22AM] **Human Goat: _why?_

**[01:22AM] **Human Goat: _are you a blushing maiden?_

**[01:22AM] **Human Goat: _let’s talk about our dicks_

**[01:23AM] **Sourwolf: **I’m blocking your number**

**[01:23AM] **Human Goat: _oKAY OKAY IM SORRY_

**[01:23AM] **Human Goat: _I wont mention my dick ever again_

**[01:55AM] **Human Goat: _did you block me????????_

**[01:59AM] **Sourwolf: **No. Now, shut up.**

**[October 8]**

**[03:38PM] **Human Goat: _I never asked what you wanted to study at Berkeley_

**[03:40PM] **Sourwolf: **Energy and resources with a minor in environmental engineering. You?**

**[03:41PM] **Human Goat: _that explains why you got so excited talking about middle earth physics_

**[03:41PM] **Human Goat: _sounds interesting though_

**[03:41PM] **Human Goat: _expect many random facts about the environment from now on_

**[03:42PM] **Human Goat: _probably political science_

**[03:42PM] **Sourwolf: **It suits you.**

**[03:42PM] **Human Goat: _seriously?_

**[03:42PM] **Sourwolf: **Sure.**

**[03:43PM] **Sourwolf: **If you can’t prove your opponent wrong, you can always drown them in random facts.**

**[03:44PM] **Human Goat: _haha_

**[October 9]**

**[02:09AM] **Sourwolf: **Are you awake?**

**[02:09AM] **Human Goat: _yeah_

**[02:09AM] **Human Goat: _how are you doing?_

**[02:09AM] **Sourwolf: **I could use some distraction**

**[02:09AM] **Human Goat: _I’m your guy then_

**[02:10AM] **Human Goat: _I was researching bears_

**[02:10AM] **Sourwolf: **And what did you find?**

**[02:10AM] **Human Goat _well im traumatized_

**[02:11AM] **Human Goat: _I don’t know if youre ready for what I have to tell you about them_

**[02:11AM] **Sourwolf: **I’m a big guy. I can take it.**

**[02:13AM] **Human Goat: _their tongues bro_

**[02:13AM] **Human Goat: _no one should have tongues that long_

**[02:13AM] **Sourwolf: **????????**

**[02:15AM] **Human Goat: **[](https://imgbb.com/)**

**[02:15AM] **Sourwolf: **What the hell?**

**[02:15AM] **Sourwolf: **Why do they need tongues like that????**

**[02:20AM] **Human Goat: _they’re called sun bears_

**[02:20AM] **Human Goat: _and they use it to extract termites and beetles and larvae_

**[02:21AM] **Human Goat: _they also LOVE honey and honeycombs, so Winnie the Pooh is probably one of them_

**[02:21AM] **Sourwolf: **I’m grateful they never depicted him like that**

**[02:21AM] **Human Goat: _same_

**[02:24AM] **Human Goat: _though as a teenager I find the idea of having long tongue… interesting_

**[02:25AM] **Sourwolf: **Stop thinking about sex when talking about Winnie the Pooh.**

**[02:25AM] **Sourwolf: **Actually, stop thinking about sex when talking to me.**

**[02:26AM] **Human Goat: _so demanding_

**[02:36AM] **Human Goat: _tell me something about yourself_

**[02:36AM] **Sourwolf: **No sharing personal information. Remember?**

**[02:37AM] **Human Goat: _bro, I don’t want your address or anything_

**[02:37AM] **Human Goat: _just tell me about your life_

**[02:37AM] **Human Goat: _do you play any sports?_

**[02:37AM] **Human Goat: _whats your favorite subject?_

**[02:38AM] **Sourwolf: **Baseball and macroeconomics**

**[02:38AM] **Human Goat: _are you any good? Did you get a sports scholarship to Berkeley????_

**[02:39AM] **Human Goat: _I play lacrosse but I suck at it_

**[02:39AM] **Human Goat: _i’m basically a benchwarmer_

**[02:40AM] **Human Goat: _I only joined the team bc my best friend wanted to_

**[02:40AM] **Human Goat: _macroeconomics is ok, but I like comparative gov and politics better_

**[02:41AM] **Sourwolf: **I’m good. UCLA offered me a sports scholarship, but I declined it. The full academic one I got from Berkeley is great.**

**[02:41AM] **Sourwolf: **I suppose you have an academic one too?**

**[02:41AM] **Human Goat: _yeah_

**[02:42AM] **Human Goat: _theres no way they would have offered me one for sucking at lacrosse_

**[02:42AM] **Sourwolf: **Why don’t you quit?**

**[02:42AM] **Human Goat: _my bf is still on the team_

**[02:43AM] **Sourwolf: **The one who did not believe you when you told him about your sexuality?**

**[02:44AM] **Human Goat: _I know he doesn’t sound great_

**[02:44AM] **Human Goat: _but we’ve been best friends since kindergarten _

**[02:44AM] **Human Goat: _and although he can be a bit oblivious and naïve_

**[02:44AM] **Human Goat: _I know he’ll always be there for me_

**[02:45AM] **Human Goat: _im always joking around_

**[02:45AM] **Human Goat: _that’s why he didn’t believe me when I told him_

**[02:45AM] **Human Goat: _cause for many years I mooned after this one girl_

**[02:46AM] **Human Goat: _(I was 100% overcompensating)_

**[02:46AM] **Human Goat: _so I understand why he thought it was another joke_

**[02:47AM] **Sourwolf: **If you told him again, would he believe you?**

**[02:47AM] **Human Goat: _definitely_

**[02:47AM] **Sourwolf: **Then, why don’t you?**

**[02:47AM] **Human Goat: _because telling him once was terrifying_

**[02:48AM] **Human Goat: _it took me months to build the courage_

**[02:48AM] **Human Goat: _I know how stupid that sounds because hed support me no matter what_

**[02:48AM] **Human Goat: _but I hate exposing myself like that_

**[02:49AM] **Sourwolf: **Hence the jokes**

**[02:49AM] **Human Goat: _yeah_

**[02:49AM] **Human Goat: _if no one takes me seriously, no one will see how fucked up I am_

**[02:52AM] **Sourwolf: **What about me?**

**[02:53AM] **Human Goat: _as far as I know you could be a middle-aged woman catfishing me_

**[02:53AM] **Human Goat: _and you don’t know anyone from my real life_

**[02:54AM] **Human Goat: _you’re safe_

**[03:00AM] **Sourwolf: **What if we knew each other?**

**[03:01AM] **Human Goat: _what do you mean?_

**[03:08AM] **Sourwolf: **We could meet**

**[03:08AM] **Sourwolf: **Someday.**

**[03:08AM] **Human Goat: _youd want to??_

**[03:08AM] **Sourwolf: **Forget it.**

**[03:08AM] **Human Goat: _NO NO_

**[03:09AM] **Human Goat: _Id LOVE to_

**[03:09AM] **Human Goat: _but youre the one who doesn’t like sharing anything personal_

**[03:09AM] **Human Goat: _I didn’t want to pressure you or smth_

**[03:09AM] **Human Goat: _I like talking to you_

**[03:09AM] **Human Goat: _I didn’t want to ruin that_

**[03:10AM] **Sourwolf: **I like talking to you too**

**[03:11AM] **Sourwolf: ** And it would be nice having someone familiar next year at Berkeley**

**[03:11AM] **Human Goat: _yeah_

**[03:22AM] **Human Goat: _are you feeling sleepy yet?_

**[03:23AM] **Sourwolf: **Yes.**

**[03:23AM] **Sourwolf: **Thank you for humoring me.**

**[03:23AM] **Human Goat: _my pleasure_

**[03:28AM] **Human Goat: _sleep tight, sourwolf_

**[03:30AM] **Sourwolf: **Good night, human goat.**

**[October 10]**

**[06:15AM] **Human Goat: _just had a dream where someone stole my socks and framed me for murder using the dna on them_

**[06:45AM] **Sourwolf: **I dreamt I stole someone’s socks.**

**[07:01AM] **Human Goat: _IM CALLING THE POLICE_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bear post is once again from tumblr and was published by arthurmorgansgf  
The dream thing was a conversation between bombing and wigglethatbutt on tumblr too


	4. why you asking?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit more angsty, I'm sorry, but I had to move the story forward :c  
Anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR COMMENTS AND KUDOS! <3 <3

**[October 11]**

**[05:34PM] **Human Goat: _fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck_

**[05:36PM] **Sourwolf: **???**

**[05:49PM] **Sourwolf: **What’s wrong?**

**[05:54PM] **Human Goat: _oh nothing_

**[05:54PM] **Human Goat: _I just have a busted lip_

**[05:54PM] **Human Goat: _everything is peachy_

**[05:54PM] **Sourwolf: **What happened?!**

**[05:55PM] **Human Goat: _remember I told you I spent many years mooning after one girl?_

**[05:56PM] **Human Goat: _that girl is now super popular because she’s a goddess_

**[05:56PM] **Human Goat: _and she’s dating another super popular jerk who happens to be the king of douchebags_

**[05:56PM] **Human Goat: _long story short: __he hasn’t forgotten how much I “liked” his gf_

**[05:56PM] **Sourwolf: **When did this happen?**

**[05:57PM] **Sourwolf: **Have you told anyone?**

**[05:58PM] **Human Goat: _yeah, sure, now I want to be a snitch_

**[05:58PM] **Human Goat: _after lacrosse practice? Why is that relevant?_

**[06:05PM] **Sourwolf: **Just curious.**

**[06:05PM] **Sourwolf: **Put some ice on it.**

**[06:07PM] **Sourwolf: **Ask your best friend to stay around with you after lacrosse practice from now on. The king of douchebags won’t do anything if there are witnesses.**

**[06:08PM] **Human Goat: _how can you be so sure?_

**[06:09PM] **Sourwolf: **Bullies are cowards.**

**[October 12]**

**[01:32PM] **Human Goat: _my best friend knows you exist_

**[02:10PM] **Sourwolf: **You told him?**

**[02:11PM] **Human Goat: _he’s been bugging me about my ”texting addiction”_

**[02:11PM] **Human Goat: _I think he was worried I was joining a cult or smth_

**[02:12PM] **Sourwolf: **Isn’t he concerned about you texting a stranger?**

**[02:12PM] **Human Goat: _at first he was_

**[02:12PM] **Human Goat: _but I told him everything I know about you_

**[02:12PM] **Human Goat: _he thinks you sound legit_

**[02:15PM] **Sourwolf: **But…?**

**[02:15PM] **Human Goat: _he still thinks it’s a bit weird that we haven’t seen each other_

**[02:18PM] **Human Goat: _and maybe it is???_

**[02:28PM] **Sourwolf: **Right.**

**[02:28PM] **Human Goat: _so…?_

**[02:45PM] **Sourwolf: **So what?**

**[02:45PM] **Human Goat: _idk man_

**[02:45PM] **Human Goat: _you said smth about us meeting someday_

**[02:56PM] **Sourwolf: **I don’t think now it's the best time **

**[03:07PM] **Human Goat: _huh_

**[03:07PM] **Human Goat: _ok_

**[03:08PM] **Sourwolf: **It’s not that I don’t want to**

**[03:08PM] **Sourwolf: **And I swear I haven’t been catfishing you**

**[03:08PM] **Sourwolf: **I’m simply afraid you won’t like me**

**[03:08PM] **Human Goat: _?????!!!!_

**[03:11PM] **Human Goat: _I don’t understand_

**[03:16PM] **Sourwolf: **Just…**

**[03:16PM] **Sourwolf: **Forget it, okay?**

**[03:17PM] **Sourwolf: **I’m still fighting with my uncle and I have a big test coming up. Can we discuss this next week? And maybe meet… then?**

**[03:18PM] **Human Goat: _yeah_

**[03:18PM] **Human Goat: _sure_

**[03:22PM] **Human Goat: _let me know if you need anything_

**[October 14]**

**[07:40PM] **Sourwolf: **Are we okay?**

**[07:43PM] **Human Goat: _of course_

**[07:43PM] **Human Goat: _why you asking?_

**[07:44PM] **Sourwolf: **We’ve been talking every single day since the beginning. But not yesterday and that was right after I told you I wasn’t ready to meet you.**

**[07:45PM] **Human Goat: _I was kinda sad_

**[07:45PM] **Human Goat: _but I understand that you have your own things going on_

**[07:45PM] **Human Goat: _no pressure whatsoever_

**[07:45PM] **Human Goat: _I just needed one day to get over it_

**[08:05PM] **Human Goat: _I know you said it was too soon to consider you my friend but the truth is that you are_

**[08:05PM] **Human Goat: _my friend, I mean_

**[08:05PM] **Human Goat: _and I thought we were going somewhere_

**[08:05PM] **Human Goat: _talking about Berkeley and sharing our problems and all that shit_

**[08:06PM] **Human Goat: _so when you said you didn’t want to meet me just yet it hurt_

**[08:06PM] **Human Goat: _and that thing about you being afraid I wont like you sounded like a big fat lie and an ugly excuse_

**[08:06PM] **Human Goat: _cause I think I have told you a thousand times that I do like you_

**[08:07PM] **Human Goat: _and im not that shallow you know_

**[08:07PM] **Human Goat: _I don’t care what you look like, especially when ive never asked for anything but a friendship_

**[08:010PM] **Human Goat: _AND_

**[08:11PM] **Human Goat: _I trust you_

**[08:11PM] **Human Goat: _I know youre not catfishing me_

**[08:27PM] **Sourwolf: **You have never told me you like me. You have, however, called me an asshole several times.**

**[08:28PM] **Human Goat: _what????_

**[08:28PM] **Human Goat: _ok_

**[08:29PM] **Human Goat: _I call you asshole bc you act like one sometimes_

**[08:29PM] **Human Goat: _but so do I_

**[08:30PM] **Human Goat: _and im kinda into it?_

**[08:30PM] **Human Goat: _and im always telling you how much I like it when you joke or when you text me first!!!_

**[08:30PM] **Human Goat: _for fucks sake sourwolf_

**[08:35PM] **Sourwolf: **Give me a second.**

**[08:38PM] **Human Goat: _whatever_

**[INCOMING CALL: SOURWOLF, 08:49PM]**

_‘Hello?’_

**‘Hi’**

_‘Fuck. I need a moment.’_

**‘Take as many as you need.’**

_‘You really are real.’_

**‘I thought you said you trusted me? Of course I’m real.”**

_“Shut up. You know what I mean. Hearing your voice makes it even _more _real. Why haven’t we done this before?”_

**“I don’t know. I never thought of it.”**

_“Yeah, same.”_

**“Look, I just wanted to apologize and… to let you know that I consider you my friend too.”**

“_Did it physically hurt you to say that?”_

**“Don’t be an asshole.”**

_“Okay, sorry. Apology accepted. And I’m glad I can call you my friend.”_

**“Will your friend be okay with us being friends and waiting a bit longer to meet?”**

_“I don’t really care.”_

**“Well, it would be nice if your best friend liked me. Mine is actually a big fan of yours.”**

_“Wait. You’ve told your best friend about me???? But you said you had no real ones.”_

**“Not where I live now. I moved here three years ago from New York. He stayed behind.”**

_“And you are still in touch? That’s great. What’s his name? What does he think about me? Oh my god, you’ve probably told him about all those stupid things I’ve said.”_

**“Vernon Boyd, but everybody calls him Boyd. And what should I have told him instead? Ninety percent of all your texts are…”**

_“MASTERPIECES! INTELLECTUAL MASTERPIECES!”_

**“Sure thing, human goat. Look, I have to go now. But this was nice. Maybe we could do it again someday.”**

_“Ok, yeah. I’d like that. I’ll talk to you later, sourwolf.”_

**“Bye, goat.”**

**[CALL ENDED, 09:00PM]**

**[11:37PM] **Human Goat: _if someday you want to talk about what’s happening with your uncle or what happened to your family, I’ll be here_

**[11:56PM] **Sourwolf: **Thanks.**

**[October 15]**

**[05:13PM] **Human Goat: _i just ate 35 cups of pudding_

**[05:13PM] **Human Goat: _im regretting all my choices in life_

**[05:13PM] **Human Goat: _help me_

**[05:14PM] **Sourwolf: **Why the hell did you eat 35 cups of pudding?**

**[05:14PM] **Human Goat: _I wanted to prove scott that I could do it_

**[05:14PM] **Human Goat: _scott=my bf_

**[05:15PM] **Sourwolf: **You’re an idiot, pudding cup boy.**

**[05:15PM] **Human Goat: _don’t tell me thats gonna be my new name_

**[05:16PM] **Sourwolf: **I hadn’t thought of it, but I like it even better than human goat**

**[05:17PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _DON’T YOU DARE_

**[05:20PM] **Sourwolf: **:)**

**[October 16]**

**[09:31AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _are you doing anything for Halloween?_

**[09:31AM] **Sourwolf: **No. You?**

**[09:32AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I usually spend the night watching bad movies with scott_

**[09:32AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _but theres a party his gf wants to attend and hes going with her_

**[09:32AM] **Sourwolf: **Are you going with them?**

**[09:33AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I don’t want to_

**[09:33AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _its gonna be full of assholes_

**[09:33AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _the dude who split my lip is hosting it_

**[09:37AM] **Sourwolf: **We could meet then.**

**[09:37AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _are you serious??????_

**[09:37AM] **Sourwolf: **If you want to**

**[09:38AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _hell yeah_

**[09:38AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _you’ve just made my day_

**[09:38AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _:)_

**[09:38AM] **Sourwolf: **:)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a big question for you all.  
As you can see, they are going to meet. Do you want me to stick to text messages or should I change it and narrate the date? I know what is going to happen then, so I could do either. I just don't think my linguistic/literary skills are going to do justice to the story and I don't want to ruin it (writing texts is way easier hehe). But this fic is for you all, so if you want to know exactly what is going to happen, I will be happy to do my best. Let me know what you think :)


	5. Thank you, pudding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your input! I'm going to give it a try and see if I can narrate the date :)  
I'm uploading this from an airport, so I don't have time to add my sources (the thing about the cats and the other one about solipsism are from tumblr as always), but I will edit the notes tonight.  
Hope you like this extremely cheesy chapter <3

**[October 17]**

**[10:31PM] **Sourwolf: **I’m moving into my own apartment on my 18thbirthday**

**[10:34PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _really?? You leaving your ugly, mean, smelly uncle behind?_

**[10:34PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _you found a place or…?_

**[10:36PM] **Sourwolf:**I had coffee with my future landlord this morning. We discussed my situation and he understands how much I need to move out of my uncle’s.**

**[10:36PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _bro, im so happy for you_

**[10:36PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _is it nice?_

**[10:37PM] **Sourwolf: **Yeah. It’s been renovated recently and most of the furniture is new.**

**[10:37PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _sounds great_

**[10:37PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _let me know if you need help moving in_

**[10:37PM] **Sourwolf: **Thanks**

**[10:38PM] **Sourwolf: **But I was telling you that because I’m ready to talk about my family**

**[10:38PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _oh, okay_

**[10:39PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _do you want me to call you?_

**[10:41PM] **Sourwolf: **I’d rather write. It’s easier.**

**[10:41PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _of course_

**[10:53PM] **Sourwolf: **My parents and two sisters died in a car crash three years ago in New York. I was supposed to be with them, but I had failed a test and they forced me to stay at home and study**

**[10:55PM] **Sourwolf: **They were coming home earlier than planned though. I guess to be with me. I’ll never know for sure.**

**[10:56PM] **Sourwolf: **I was sent to live with my uncle in BH after that.**

**[10:56PM] **Sourwolf: **I barely knew him. My mom didn’t like him much.**

**[10:57PM] **Sourwolf: **And I understand why now. He’s a self-absorbed moron who’s spending my parents’ money on himself.**

**[10:57PM] **Sourwolf: **Once I turn 18 it will all be mine, though**

**[11:05PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _fuck_

**[11:05PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I know saying sorry doesn’t help _

**[11:05PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _but I really am sorry_

**[11:05PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _you deserve better_

**[11:05PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _(BH as in Beacon Hills???????)_

**[11:06PM] **Sourwolf: **Thanks**

**[11:06PM] **Sourwolf: **And yes. That is where I live at the moment. I guess I’m all for sharing personal information with you now**

**[11:06PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _bro, I AM FROM BEACON HILLS!!!_

**[11:07PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I thought Id have to drive all the way to Sacramento to meet your or smth_

**[11:08PM] **Sourwolf: **I guess that makes things easier**

**[11:08PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _YEAH_

**[11:08PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _maybe weve already seen each other at the gas station_

**[11:08PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _or driving around!!!!!!!_

**[11:08PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _how cool is that?_

**[11:10PM] **Sourwolf: **Very**

**[11:10PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _oh fuck im sorry I got overexcited about you living in BH_

**[11:11PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I lost my mom when I was 8_

**[11:11PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _its been 9 years and I still miss her everyday, even though I cant remember her voice anymore_

**[11:12PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _ive lived longer without her than with her_

**[11:12PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _what I want to say is that I know how much it sucks knowing that you will never have a mom again_

**[11:13PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _and if on the anniversary of the accident or their birthdays you need someone to cry with, im your guy_

**[11:15PM] **Sourwolf: **Thank you, pudding.**

**[11:17PM] **Sourwolf: **I’m sorry about your mom too**

**[11:34PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _so whens the big day?_

**[11:37PM] **Sourwolf: **November 7**

**[11:40PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I’ll be counting down the days_

**[11:55PM] **Sourwolf: **:)**

**[October 18]**

**[12:10PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _what do you like the most about your body?_

**[12:33PM] **Sourwolf: **Why?**

**[12:33PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I know we’re not sharing pics and I like the mystery, but im curious_

**[12:34PM] **Sourwolf: **People usually notice my eyes first, but I like my smile better**

**[12:34PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _your eyes?_

**[12:34PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _let me guess_

**[12:34PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _theyre blue_

**[12:35PM] **Sourwolf: **Green**

**[12:35PM] **Sourwolf: **What about you?**

**[12:35PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _nah mine are brown and boring_

**[12:37PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _oh you meant what I like the most about my body_

**[12:37PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _uhm_

**[12:38PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _idk_

**[12:38PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _my hands?_

**[12:38PM] **Sourwolf: **Are you asking me?**

**[12:39PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _haha_

**[12:39PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _nah_

**[12:39PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I like my hands_

**[12:40PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I don’t know what people notice about me first though_

**[12:40PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _let me ask scott_

**[12:40PM] **Sourwolf: **Are you with him now? You shouldn't be on your phone when you're with a friend**

**[12:40PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _hes texting his gf he doesn’t care_

**[12:41PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _he says hi btw_

**[12:41PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _and that my nose is cute_

**[12:41PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I think hes flirting with me_

**[12:42PM] **Sourwolf: **Tell him I say hi and to stop flirting with you**

**[12:42PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _are you jealous????_

**[12:43PM] **Sourwolf: **Of the guy who has to deal with you every single day? No.**

**[12:43PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _asshole_

**[12:43PM] **Sourwolf: **:)**

**[12:51PM] **Sourwolf: **Is he alright with us being friends?**

**[12:53PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _he knows you make me happy, so yeah_

**[12:53PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: but _he wants me to be careful when we meet_

**[12:54PM] **Sourwolf: **I was thinking of the new café downtown**

**[12:54PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _Taste?_

**[12:54PM] **Sourwolf: **Yes, that one. It looks nice.**

**[12:54PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _perfect_

**[12:55PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _:)_

**[October 19]**

**[08:34PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _science boy_

**[08:34PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I need your brain_

**[08:34PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _if we got all cats in the world to meow at exactly the same time_

**[08:34PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _how loud would it be_

**[08:49PM] **Sourwolf: **The average cat meow is 65/75dB and there are about 2bn cats in the world. So, 130-150bn dB, which is about 100 million jets taking off at once.**

**[08:49PM] **Sourwolf: **It’s basic math and you probably knew all the data. You don’t need my brain for this, pudding.**

**[08:50PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _CATastrophically loud then_

**[08:50PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _are you finally figuring out that all these random facts and questions are a bad excuse to talk to you?????_

**[08:51PM] **Sourwolf: **You don’t need an excuse to text me**

**[08:51PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _youll regret those words someday_

**[08:51PM] **Sourwolf: **I doubt it.**

**[October 20]**

**[06:00PM] **Sourwolf: **Hi.**

**[06:03PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _hey_

**[06:03PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _whats up_

**[06:04PM] **Sourwolf: **Nothing, just proving that there is no need for random facts in order to start a conversation**

**[06:04PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _but wheres the magic in that sourwolf_

**[06:04PM] **Sourwolf: **Shut up**

**[06:05PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _make me_

**[06:05PM] **Sourwolf: **I will.**

**[06:05PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I don’t know if that sounds threatening or sexy coming from you_

**[06:08PM] **Sourwolf: **;)**

** **

**[October 21]**

**[01:08AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _have you heard of solipsism?_

**[01:14AM] **Sourwolf: **Isn’t it about being self-centred and selfish?**

**[01:14AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _generally speaking, yes_

**[01:14AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _but it’s an entire philosophical idea_

**[01:15AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _it says that only one’s mind is sure to exist_

**[01:15AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _so everything around you has been created by your mind_

**[01:18AM] **Sourwolf: **If everything around me is all my imagination, then you are the best thing I have come up with**

**[01:18AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _…_

**[01:19AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _fuck, sourwolf_

**[01:23AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _do you mean it?_

**[01:23AM] **Sourwolf: **Depends. Does it freak you out?**

**[01:23AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _no, not at all_

**[01:24AM] **Sourwolf: **Then yes. I mean it.**

**[01:25AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _wow_

**[October 22]**

**[10:09PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I cant lie to you_

**[10:09PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I know I said I wasn’t asking for anything more than a friendship_

**[10:10PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _and that’s kinda true cause im not gonna ask for more if youre not into it_

**[10:10PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _but im hoping for more_

**[10:10PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I like you_

**[10:10PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I don’t give a fuck about your looks at all_

**[10:11PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I want to kiss your stupid face, no matter what it looks like_

**[10:11PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _and when you say shit like what you said earlier it gives me hope???_

**[10:12PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _so if this is something youre not interested in, could you please let me know now???_

**[INCOMING CALL: SOURWOLF, 11:59PM]**

_“What the hell are you doing calling me at midnight on a school night?! You’re lucky my dad has a night shift.”_

**“Shut up. I didn’t want to wake up my uncle, so I’m standing on my backyard wearing pajamas just because of you.”**

_“Why? Have you forgotten how to text?”_

**“Will you shut up and let me tell you that I like you too?”**

_“Oh.”_

**“Yeah. Oh.”**

_“You can’t see it, but I’m smiling like an idiot.”_

**“That’s because you’re an idiot.”**

_“Hey, you like this idiot.”_

**“Yeah, I do.”**

_“…”_

**“Can I go back to sleep now? Are you done freaking out?”**

_“I wasn’t freaking out! I was worried about our relationship! Honesty is very important to me, okay?”_

**“Sure.”**

_“Okay, okay, I’ll let you go back to bed. Good night, sourwolf.”_

**“Sweet dreams, pudding.”**

**[CALL ENDED, 00:03AM]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cat post from tumblr by booknutty  
Solipsism post from tumblr by idonegaffedit


	6. See you in 5 then.

**[October 23]**

**[11:19PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I told scott I like you_

**[11:21PM] **Sourwolf: **Did he believe you this time?**

**[11:21PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _it took him a while to understand what I was implying_

**[11:22PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _he asked me if I was sure_

**[11:22PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _he didn’t even remember me telling him that I was gay_

**[11:22PM] **Sourwolf: **Seriously?**

**[11:22PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _yeah_

**[11:23PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _he felt terrible when I reminded him_

**[11:23PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _boy I thought he was gonna cry_

**[11:23PM] **Sourwolf: **Did he?**

**[11:24PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _nah, I stopped him before tears were shed_

**[11:24PM] **Sourwolf: **And how are you?**

**[11:25PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _so good_

**[11:25PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I feel like a teenage boy!!!!!_

**[11:25PM] **Sourwolf: **Haha**

**[11:25PM] **Sourwolf: **You deserve it**

**[11:26PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _thanks sourwolf_

**[October 24]**

**[09:58PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _we’re meeting in a ten days and im already freaking out_

**[09:58PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _scott has threatened me with a muzzle if I don’t stop talking about you_

**[10:00PM] **Sourwolf: **Kinky.**

**[10:00PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _haha_

**[10:00PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I’ll let him know youre into that ;)_

**[10:02PM] **Sourwolf: **Don’t you dare**

**[October 25]**

**[05:21PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _why are people so weird???_

**[05:31PM] **Sourwolf: **You, Pudding Cup Boy, are calling people weird.**

**[05:31PM] **Sourwolf: **You.**

**[05:32PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _shut up_

**[05:32PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _im the good kind of weird_

**[05:32PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _my classmates though…_

**[05:32PM] **Sourwolf: **What happened?**

**[05:32PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _scott had to leave early today_

**[05:33PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _which gave the king of douchebags the perfect opportunity to corral me in the locker room_

**[05:33PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _BUT_

**[05:33PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _remember the guy I told you about??? The one who seemed ok but still hanged out with those jerks?_

**[05:34PM] **Sourwolf: **You mean your crush**

**[05:34PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _shut up_

**[05:34PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _youre my crush now don’t be jealous_

**[05:35PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _but yeah that one_

**[05:35PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _he came in and took Jackson away_

**[05:35PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _that’s the king of douchebags for you_

**[05:35PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _AND HE DIDN’T SAY A WORD_

**[05:36PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _he grabbed Jackson by the arm and that was it_

**[05:36PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I think Jackson was as shocked as me _

**[05:37PM] **Sourwolf: **Jackson didn’t have the time to do anything to you, did he?**

**[05:37PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _nah_

**[05:37PM] **Sourwolf: **I’m glad you’re okay**

**[05:38PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _should I thank him???_

**[05:38PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I don’t know if he legitimately needed to talk to Jackson or if he did it for me_

**[05:39PM] **Sourwolf: **I think it would be better to leave things as they are**

**[05:40PM] **Sourwolf: **Just in case**

**[05:40PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _you think they may be planning something???_

**[05:40PM] **Sourwolf: **I don’t know**

**[05:41PM] **Sourwolf: **Have you done something to piss them off lately?**

**[05:41PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _of course not_

**[05:41PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _who do you think I am_

**[05:41PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _youre breaking my heart_

**[05:43PM] **Sourwolf: **Drama queen.**

**[05:55PM] **Sourwolf: **Be careful, okay?**

**[05:58PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _always :)_

[**October 26]**

**[07:01PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _do you study French???_

**[07:07PM] **Sourwolf: **Spanish.**

**[07:07PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _sexy ;)_

**[07:07PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _BUT USELESS TO ME RIGHT NOW_

**[07:07PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _French is painful, my friend_

**[07:08PM] **Sourwolf: **Baguette**

**[07:08PM] **Sourwolf: **Petit-pois**

**[07:08PM] **Sourwolf: **Mon ami**

**[07:08PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _are you writing down all the words you know in French?_

**[07:09PM] **Sourwolf: **I don’t know how to help**

**[07:09PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _you’re too cute_

**[07:09PM] **Sourwolf: **Cállate y ponte a estudiar.**

**[07:10PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _make me ;)_

**[08:23PM] **Sourwolf: **You know. Every time I get in the shower, I think of you**

**[08:24PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _fuck_

**[08:24PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _youre not really helping me focus_

**[08:24PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _is it because you wish I was there with you? _

**[08:24PM] **Sourwolf: **No, it’s because the French word for shower is douche.**

**[08:25PM] **Sourwolf: **Now go study.**

**[08:25PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _fucking asshole_

**[October 27]**

**[02:24AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _the child of a mermaid and a centaur has 1 in 4 chance of being a normal human_

**[02:35AM] **Sourwolf: **Is this your way of introducing me to your family?**

**[02:35AM] **Sourwolf: **Also, they have 1 in 4 chance of being a seahorse**

**[02:36AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I wish I had a seahorse brother_

**[02:36AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _damn, I wish I was a seahorse_

**[October 28]**

**[06:47PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _yooo I ordered a pizza and it came with no toppings or anything_

**[06:47PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _just bread_

**[06:48PM] **Sourwolf: **That is weird. Have you called the restaurant?**

**[06:54PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _never mind_

**[06:54PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _i opened the pizza upside down_

**[06:54PM] **Sourwolf: **…**

**[10:04PM] **Sourwolf: **I have to ask you a question my teammates asked me this morning because I know you will have the best answer**

**[10:05PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _so much pressure_

**[10:05PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _ok, shoot_

**[10:07PM] **Sourwolf: **What is the most mundane but thunderous epiphany you ever had? Something so ridiculously dull or elementary that sill bowled you over when you figured it out**

**[10:08PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _oh man_

**[10:08PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _ive had too many_

**[10:08PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _when I was little, I thought arson was a guy_

**[10:09PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _the news would say “arson is suspected” and I was like “another one????! they gotta catch this guy!!”_

**[10:10PM] **Sourwolf: **You must have been a delight to be around when you were a kid**

**[10:12PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _are you saying im not a delight anymore??????_

**[10:12PM] **Sourwolf: **You’re definitely something**

**[10:13PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _stop it youre making me blush_

**[October 29]**

**[11:23PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _isn’t it weird that we pay money to see other human beings?_

**[11:23PM] **Sourwolf: **Are you talking about prostitution, movies or airplane tickets?**

**[11:23PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _glasses_

**[11:24PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _but that too_

**[11:24PM] **Sourwolf: **Oh**

**[11:24PM] **Sourwolf: **Do you need glasses?**

**[11:25PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _yeah_

**[11:25PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I can barely read without them_

**[11:25PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _but I broke them a couple of weeks ago_

**[11:25PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _and we don’t have the money to replace them just yet_

**[11:26PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _so I got a terrible headache right now because ive written an entire essay without them_

**[11:26PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _well I think its because of the glasses_

**[11:26PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _google says im gonna die_

**[11:27PM] **Sourwolf: **Why is Google threatening you for having a headache?**

**[11:27PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _youre hilarious_

**[11:50PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _are you by any chance looking for a flatmate????_

**[11:51PM] **Sourwolf: **What? Why?**

**[11:51PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _my dad wants to sell me on ebay_

**[11:51PM] **Sourwolf: **What have you done now?**

**[11:52PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _nothing!!!!_

**[11:52PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _well_

**[11:52PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I didn’t mean to_

**[11:52PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _but I may have accidentally flooded the living room_

**[11:53PM] **Sourwolf: **How the hell did you “accidentally” flood a living room?????**

**[11:54PM] **Sourwolf: **In any case, selling your kid on Ebay is nuts. You’re a child. A living being that he made.**

**[11:54PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _awwwww_

**[11:54PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _you don’t have to worry, im 85% sure hes kidding_

**[11:55PM] **Sourwolf: **I’m just saying that kind of shit goes on Etsy.**

**[11:55PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _…_

**[11:55PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I hate you_

**[11:56PM] **Sourwolf: **;)**

**[October 30]**

**[02:15PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _why do witches always wanna fatten kids up before they eat them????_

**[02:15PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _fat is like the grossest part of meat_

**[02:19PM] **Sourwolf: **Because they are always cooking said kids in cauldrons and ovens, that is long cooking times at lowish heat. If you do that to fatty meat, the fat melts completely and the meat gets tear-it-apart-with-a-fork soft**

**[02:19PM] **Sourwolf: **If you do it to lean meat, you get tiny little sad meat bits that bring no joy to anyone**

**[02:20PM] **Sourwolf: **Also, there is wisdom in fattening them up on sweets and other carbs. A meatless, carb-rich diet makes for more tender and flavorful meat**

**[02:21PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _well I did ask_

**[02:21PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _may I remind you that you are discussing the semantics of eating children?_

**[02:22PM] **Sourwolf: **You better get this shit right or it’s a waste of 40-80lbs of meat.**

**[02:23PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _im weirdly turned on by your creepiness and nerdiness_

**[11:45PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I cant sleep_

**[11:52PM] **Sourwolf: **Same**

**[11:53PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _really? You nervous about tomorrow?_

**[11:53PM] **Sourwolf: **I’m terrified**

**[11:53PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _that’s hard to believe_

**[11:53PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _youre so stoic_

**[11:54PM] **Sourwolf: **Only because there’s enough drama with you around**

**[11:54PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _ha ha_

**[11:56PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _why are you so scared?_

**[11:56PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I told you im gonna like you no matter what_

**[11:56PM] **Sourwolf: **I hope you remember that **

**[11:57PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _youre creeping me out_

**[11:57PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _are you green? Do you have horns? Are you a middle-aged man?_

**[11:59PM] **Sourwolf: **It’s not my body what worries me. I’m quite normative.**

**[11:59PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _then??????? What is it???_

**[October 31]**

**[00:00AM] **Sourwolf: **You’ll understand tomorrow**

**[00:00AM] **Sourwolf: **Today***

**[00:00AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _we’ll see_

**[00:04AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _4 at Taste?_

**[00:04AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _I’ll be wearing a red hoodie, you??_

**[00:04AM] **Sourwolf: **I don’t know**

**[00:04AM] **Sourwolf: **A green sweater. Probably.**

**[00:05AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _great_

**[00:09AM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _good night, sourwolf_

**[00:09AM] **Sourwolf: **Good night, pudding.**

**[03:14PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _IM GONNA THROW UP_

**[03:26PM] **Sourwolf: **Charming.**

**[03:53PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _ill be there in 5_

**[03:54PM] **Sourwolf: **See you in 5 then.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Hi Hi!! I haven't added my sources yet because I left my notebook at home and I won't be back till Friday night x) I promise I will do it on Saturday <3 
> 
> Anyways, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT AND COMMENTS, YOU'RE THE BEST THING IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE <3333333333333 
> 
> As you can see, the date IS HERE. I'm still working on that chapter and trying to figure out whether it will be the last one or not. It may take me a bit longer to post it since the writing is more complicated, but I will try to have it done by Sunday/Monday. Once again, thank you for everything, I love you all <33
> 
> SOURCES: the epiphany was a question asked on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/sproudfoot/status/1052196318414663681?lang=en) and the answer Stiles gives comes from that thread, but I can't find it right now.
> 
> The thing about glasses, airplane tickets and prostitution is also from tumblr, but I think its become some kind of meme and it's impossible to find who posted it first. The same has happened to the ebay/etsy thing (although the meme was born because of a woman in Australia who did try to sell her kids on ebay. Later on she said it was a joke but... hahaha).
> 
> Finally, the witches post was a conversation on tumblr between disgruntedturtle, equalistmako, seasonoftowers, thatickything, deliferwyrm, mrtacomam and kariachi.


	7. Holy shit

The new café was on one end of North Street, six feet away from where Stiles was standing. With his Jeep once again at the mechanic’s, he had had to walk all the way down there. The exercise had helped him burn some of the adrenaline the excitement had brought into his already hyperactive body, but now it was coming back in full force.

From the other side of the road the place did not look too busy. A couple of college students were studying in a corner, books and notes open before them on the table they were sharing. The only barista in sight had just finished preparing something for an impatient customer, a woman in her late thirties who left as soon as she got her cup. That was good. If his date (because Stiles had decided that it _was _a date) hadn’t arrived yet, then Stiles still had a couple of minutes to order something and calm down. Unfortunately, he had not been kidding about throwing up. After barely sleeping at all, he had woken up with his stomach in knots. Scott had forced him to eat half a sandwich at lunch and he could still feel it inside him, threatening to leave his body as soon as he opened his mouth. Throwing up on their first date was not something he was looking forward to.

As he pushed the door open, a bell rang announcing his entrance. The barista smiled at him immediately.

‘Welcome to _Taste_. How can I help you today?’

‘Hey,’ Stiles replied automatically while checking the menu, ‘Uh… may I have a hot chocolate with whipped cream? Please?’

‘Sure thing. To stay in or to take away?’

‘Stay in,’ he replied, reaching for his wallet.

‘That’ll be $2.30, please.’

‘I’ll pay for that.’

Stiles turned to the stranger who had spoken, wallet in one hand, without giving himself time to recognize the voice.

‘Derek?’ he asked, taken aback. ‘I mean. What?’

‘Your drink. I’ll pay for it,’ he repeated, gently pushing him away to reach the main counter. ‘And I’ll have one cappuccino.’

‘Of course. $5.40, please.’

‘Look, dude. I really appreciate the gesture and you saving my ass the other day, but I’m in a hurry and I don’t understand what this is about,’ Stiles said while furiously typing on his phone.

**[03:59PM[ **Pudding Cup Boy: _hey ive run into a classmate at taste. Do you mind going somewhere else???_

The moment he hit ‘send’, Derek’s phone vibrated inside the front pocket of his dark jeans.

‘I’ll give you a moment to assimilate all the information,’ Derek decided, turning towards the barista to pay.

Stiles, frozen in place, run his eyes over the boy in front of him. Over his green sweater and green eyes. Over that smile that was insinuating itself on Derek’s lips and about to transform his face.

**People usually notice my eyes first, but I like my smile better.**

‘No way,’ he hard himself muttering.

Calmly, Derek pulled out his phone and opened the text he had just received. When he offered the device to Stiles, Stiles’s words were on the screen bright and clear.

‘Are you fucking with me? Was this all a joke to you? Did Jackson convince you to do this?

He took a step back.

‘You texted me first, Stiles. I didn’t know it was you.’

‘But you figured it out,’ Stiles added. ‘You’re not surprised to see me here. Is this why you were so weird last night?’

Derek nodded, averting his gaze.

‘I thought you would too. Figure it out, I mean.’

Horrified by the implications of the revelation, Stiles covered his eyes with his own shaking hands.

‘Holy shit, I told you I have a ridiculous crush on _you_.’

‘Hey,’ Derek’s fingers were warm when they touched Stiles’s chin, waiting for the boy to drop his hands and meet his eyes before speaking. ‘I told you about my stupid crush on you too. In fact, I told you things I haven’t told anyone else. Things that could make my life miserable. And when I told you most of them, I already knew it was you.’

‘You did? When did you find out?’

‘When you showed up with a busted lip the day after you told me about your encounter with the king of douchebags,’ lost in his own memories, Derek briefly touched the still swollen lip with his thumb before blushing and letting go.

Stiles cleared his throat. His heart was beating so fast he was afraid Derek would hear it.

‘That could have been a coincidence.’

‘It could have been one, yes,’ Derek agreed. ‘But you have quite a unique personality, I already had my suspicions by then. The way you talked and the things you talked about… You’re unmistakable.’

‘Your drinks are ready on the other counter, boys. Enjoy,’ the barista chimed in, completely oblivious to their conversation.

‘Thank you,’ Derek answered with his eyes still glued on Stiles. ‘Will you give me a chance to prove that I’m definitely not the worst just because Jackson and his friends were the only ones who talked to me when I first moved to Beacon Hills?’

Stiles nodded without hesitation.

‘Let’s start over, alright? Hi, sourwolf. I’m Stiles. My dad is the sheriff and my mom had a c-section, so I was never born, just removed. I’m a tumor baby,’ he said, offering him his hand.

Amused, Derek took it in his.

‘Is that how you always introduce yourself?’ Derek asked.

‘No, sometimes I ask for pictures of Cenozoic animals instead.’

At that, Derek let out a laugh.

‘Those were the days…’ he sighed. ‘Hi, Stiles, I’m Derek.’

‘Booooooring,’ Stiles joked while still holding his hand. ‘Uhm. Maybe we should take our drinks. If you want to.’

‘Right.’

Abruptly, Derek released his hand and turned towards the counter. Stiles couldn’t help but notice how the tips of his ears had turned bright pink.

‘Oh my god. You’re not grumpy, you’re just shy!’ he exclaimed.

As the blush spread across his cheeks, Derek grabbed both cups.

‘Shut up,’ he muttered.

Grinning, Stiles followed him to one of the booths and didn’t waste a second claiming one of the seats for himself.

‘Hey, but seriously. You said you tried talking to me when you were new at school?’ he asked, leaning over the table. ‘Because I don’t remember.’

‘We had English together, just like we do now,’ Derek answered after taking a sip from his cappuccino. ‘It was my first day and I asked you if the seat next to you was taken. You snorted and told me to go and sit with my “people”.’

‘Your people?’ Stiles repeated, completely lost.

Derek nodded. Even though he wasn’t smiling, his eyes were still shining.

‘You were looking at Jackson when you pronounced those words.’

Stiles leaned back, still not touching his hot chocolate.

‘Oh, fuck. I didn’t even give you a chance. I _forced _you to be friends with Jackson! I am a monster!’

Laughing, Derek shook his head.

‘I guess Jackson was already giving you a hard time back then. I kind of understand why you were being so defensive.’

‘That’s not an excuse!’ Stiles exclaimed. ‘I don’t deserve whipped cream anymore! Here, you can have it.’

Without giving Derek an opportunity to turn it down, Stiles interchanged their drinks.

‘You know… I paid for both,’ he pointed out. ‘And I don’t think you should be drinking any caffeinated beverages. At all. _Ever_.’

‘Shut up and take my delicious hot chocolate, you ungrateful child.’

‘You’re back to calling me names. Nice,’ Derek wrapped his hands around his new cup, apparently satisfied with the change. ‘Don’t you have any science questions? I like them better.’

‘Of course I have science questions. Who do you think you’re talking to? But you don’t have paper or a calculator to give me the answers I need.’

Smirking, Derek arched an eyebrow.

‘Try me.’

Stiles stared at him for a moment.

‘Okay,’ he finally said. ‘If kinetic energy can be converted to thermal energy, how hard do I need to slap a chicken to cook it?’

Derek hummed, already considering the question in his head.

‘The formula for converting between kinetic energy and thermal energy is 1/2mv*2=mcT,’ Derek muttered almost to himself. His eyes were now fixed on something behind Stiles, but by the way in which he continued talking it was obvious that he was not looking at anything in particular. ‘I’ll have to make some assumptions, but let’s say that the average human hand weighs four hundred grams, the average slap has a velocity of 25mph or 11m/s… And an average rotisserie chicken weights 2lbs, that is 1 kilogram… And for it to be cooked it would need to reach a temperature of 400F or 205C…’ he remained silent for a couple of seconds, still not looking at Stiles, before resuming his speech. ‘One slap would generate a temperature increase of 0.0089 degrees Celsius. So, we would need 23,034 average slaps to cook the chicken. If you want to do it with on slap, then you would have to slap it with a velocity of 1665.65 m/s. That’s 3725.95 mph,’ he concluded.

By the time his eyes met Stiles’s, the boy in front of him was open-mouthed.

‘What the hell,’ Stiles said. ‘You don’t need paper? A calculator?’

Derek shrugged.

‘Sometimes they are useful if there are too many variables involved, but generally I don’t.’

Stiles let his head fall on the table, barely avoiding the cappuccino.

‘You’re killing me.’

‘What? Why?’ Derek sounded genuinely concerned when he asked.

‘You’re a freaking genius,’ he explained, ignoring the way his voice was muffled by the new position. ‘Now I have a boner because of _your brain_.’

When no response came, Stiles lifted his head. Derek was still sitting in front of him, but now his face was completely red and he himself was trying to avoid Stiles’s eyes at any cost.

‘I’m not a genius, I’m just good with numbers,’ he whispered.

‘And you’re humble,’ Stiles noted. ‘Where have you been all my life, oh my number neighbor?’

‘You’re an asshole. Stop embarrassing me.’

‘Hey,’ Stiles carefully let his right hand cover Derek’s left. ‘I’m not kidding. I do think you’re amazing. I can’t believe you’re real.’

Derek smiled at his words.

‘You’re not too bad either,’ he agreed as he turned his hand and intertwined their fingers.

‘You know how to make me feel special,’ Stiles joked, trying to ignore how warm his face felt. ‘Did you drive here?’

Surprised by the change of subject, Derek shook his head before taking a gulp from his now tepid chocolate.

‘I took my mom’s car with me when I moved to Beacon Hills, but my uncle doesn’t like me driving it. I walk or take the bus most of the time,’ he finally said. ‘Why?’

‘My Jeep is at the mechanic’s. I was thinking we could go for a walk? It’s a school night and dad wants me home by the time he gets there from work. Maybe I could walk you home or…’

‘Or I could walk you home,’ Derek interrupted him. ‘I uhm… My uncle isn’t working today. He’ll have questions if he sees me with you.’

‘Then it’s decided.’

Reluctantly, Stiles released his hand and stood up. Once outside the café, both started walking slowly, their arms brushing as they left behind the shops and restaurants of the commercial area and moved towards the residential one. The quietness of the neighborhood brought with it a certain awkwardness that hadn’t been there before. It wasn’t completely uncomfortable, but it was there, reminding them of the tension that connected them. Before it could get too intense, Stiles took his phone and, ignoring Derek’s curious looks, started typing.

**[04.58PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _im glad weve finally met_

Stiles waited patiently for a reply. The act of texting was already making him feel less anxious. This was familiar, this was what he had used as a scape for more than a month. Sourwolf was his support system, his friend. He just needed time to fully assimilate the fact that Derek and sourwolf were the same person.

**[04:59PM] **Sourwolf: **I know I’m not the most expressive and friendly person on Earth. Words do not come easily to me. But I want you to know that you are amazing too.**

**[04:59PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _so…_

**[04:59PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _are we doing this?_

**[04:59PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _can we do this? Meet? Regularly? Maybe talk to each other at school?_

**[05:00PM] **Sourwolf: **Are you asking me out?**

**[05:00PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _yeah_

**[05:00PM] **Sourwolf: **I would love to**

Stiles braced himself for the ‘but’ he was seeing coming as Derek continued typing next to him.

**[05:01PM] **Sourwolf: **But I need to keep it low key for a week. I can’t risk my uncle finding out before I move out.**

Stiles let out the breath he had been holding.

**[05:01PM] **Pudding Cup Boy: _that’s not a problem for me_

Without a word, Derek put away his phone and waited for Stiles to do the same.

‘Are we going to text every time we have to discuss something serious?’ he asked.

‘Texting is our thing, sourwolf.’

This time when their arms brushed against each other, Derek captured Stiles’s little finger with his own. Once again, Derek’s ears were red, but Stiles refrained from commenting on it, holding onto the moment instead. Silently, they walked the last two blocks, watching as the youngest kids took over the streets with their parents. By the time they reached the house and stopped on the porch, the sun was almost gone.

‘So…’ Stiles said, suddenly nervous.

‘How is your lip? Does it hurt?’ Derek asked out of the blue.

‘Uh? Oh, no. It’s a bit itchy, but nothing else.’

‘Good.’

Even though Stiles had been waiting for it, the kiss took him by surprise. It was nothing more than a chaste touch of lips but feeling Derek’s warm hands on his face and his body firmly pressed against his was enough to stop his heart for a second. When the kiss ended, too soon for Stiles, Derek barely moved away.

‘Fucking finally,’ Stiles muttered, breathlessly.

He put his arms around him and closed the almost inexistent distance between them one more time. Weeks of uncertainty and waiting had prepared Stiles for what he’d thought it would be a fierce kiss full of want and unresolved tension. But this Derek, one who was shy and calm, one who had probably not received a proper hug in years, did not want that kind of kiss. And Stiles was happy to be gentle and careful, to take his time getting to know how Derek tasted and the way their bodies fitted perfectly together. There would be a time for passion and need, they both knew it.

When they broke the kiss, they didn’t move. Stiles brushed his nose against Derek’s, matching smiles in their lips.

‘If someone had told me that I would end the day kissing Derek Hale I wouldn’t have believed them,’ he whispered, his voice rough.

‘And if they had told you that you would end it kissing your number neighbor?’ Derek asked in the same tone.

‘That was what I was hoping for,’ Stiles admitted.

‘Me too.’

Someone cleared their throat behind them before they could resume their kissing, forcing them to jump apart and face the intruder. As soon as Stiles recognized him, all color disappeared from his face.

‘Heeeeeeey, dad, father, biological parent, sir,’ Stiles rambled. ‘Sheriff.’

‘Son,’ the man sighed. ‘Care to explain?’

Stiles exchanged a quick look with Derek, who was a shocked as him.

‘We were… uh… You see, uh, Derek here was worried about a swelling in his uhm… nose? And I was just taking a look at it, because paranasal sinus cancer is totally a thing now.’

‘Stiles…’ Noah pinched the bridge of his nose.

Unable to stay put while Stiles panicked next to him, Derek offered his hand to the man.

‘I’m Derek Hale, sir. I was simply walking Stiles home.’

Noah accepted his hand, still not smiling.

‘Hale? Are you related to Peter Hale?’

Derek winced.

‘Unfortunately,’ he said before adding: ‘sir.’

Noah nodded before turning to his son.

‘You weren’t joking when you said…’

‘Don’t worry about it, dad,’ Stiles interrupted him. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ Derek took his hand and squeezed it affectionately, giving him the courage to be honest. ‘Okay, it does matter because it really sucked when you laughed and criticized my clothes, but I understand why you didn’t believe me. I’ve been lying to you since I learnt to speak.’

‘That’s not an excuse, Stiles,’ he said, grabbing his son by the shoulders. ‘I should have listened to you. The things I said… It was easier, you know? Pretending that it was another joke. I was a bad parent that day. You should have insisted, son.’

Stiles shrugged, failing to meet his dad’s eyes.

‘I was scared.’

‘Is there anyone giving you a hard time?’ he asked, this time looking at Derek too. ‘Should I talk to your teachers?’

‘No, no. In fact, no one knows yet. Just you and Scott,’ Stiles explained.

Relieved, Noah nodded.

‘In that case. Derek, why don’t you stop by someday next week for dinner? I have many baby pictures of Stiles that I have been saving for this moment.’

‘DAD, NO!’ Stiles groaned, pushing him away playfully.

Derek laughed.

‘I would love to, sir.’

‘I’ll let you say goodbye, then,’ Noah decided, opening the door. ‘Dinner will be ready in an hour, son.’

‘Okay,’ Stiles waited for the door to close behind his dad before turning to Derek. ‘Uh… sorry for that.’

‘You don’t have to apologize,’ Derek said, grabbing him by the hips. ‘Go and talk to him. I’m sure he will love to hear that you are texting random numbers and meeting with strangers in your free time.’

Stiles rested his head against Derek’s.

‘He’s going to kill me.’

‘He’ll probably try to sell you on Ebay again.’

Laughing, Stiles lifted his head and pecked him on the lips.

‘Thanks for today.’

‘I’ll see you tomorrow?’ Derek asked.

Stiles nodded.

‘We could have lunch together if you don’t want to sit with your awful friends anymore.’

Derek laughed at that.

‘Sounds good to me.’

Ten minutes later, when Stiles joined his father in the kitchen with a big smile, Noah pulled him into a comforting hug and Stiles let himself believe that everything was going to be alright.

**[March 4]**

**[05:39PM] **Cutewolf <3: **Hey. What are you doing?**

**[05:41PM] **Pudding: _learning esperanto_

**[05:41PM] **Cutewolf <3: **What’s that?**

**[05:41PM] **Pudding: _an artificial language some polish guy invented in the late 19thcentury_

**[05:41PM] **Cutewolf <3: **Cool.**

**[05:42PM] **Cutewolf <3: **Do you want to come over and study at my place?**

**[05:42PM] **Pudding: _you want me to scratch your head to help you fall asleep, don’t you_

**[05:42PM] **Cutewolf <3: **:) <3**

**[05:43PM] **Pudding: _on my way <3_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The kinetic energy post is from a tumblr conversation between hungry-fangirl14 and colour-punk.
> 
> MY JOB IS DONE HERE, I can't believe it's over. What am I going to do with my life now????  
Thank you so much for all your comments, kudos and support. It's been a pleasure writing for you all.  
You can find my on twitter ([@_hireth](https://twitter.com/_hireth)) if you want to (please, do! I'll follow you back).


	8. fair enough (extra content)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody!  
I wasn't planning on publishing this, but given the circumstances I thought you could enjoy it :) I have some snippets of what happened after that first date, nothing extraordinary, but if you want to read them just let me know.  
If you're self-isolating or on lockdown I know these can be extraordinarily hard times and I want to help in any possible way. I hope you're all doing okay!  
Take care <3
> 
> PS: THANK YOU FOR ALL THOSE KUDOS!!! You're the freaking best <3

**[October 31]**

**[09:02pm] **Pudding Cup Boy: I think I wanna be a spy

**[09:04pm] **Sourwolf: **Have you been watching a James Bond movie again?**

**[09:04pm] **Pudding Cup Boy: its halloween and its fucking pouring out there

**[09:05pm] **Pudding Cup Boy: of course ive been watching a james bond movie

**[09:05pm] **Sourwolf: **You would be the worst spy of all time**

**[09:05pm] **Pudding Cup Boy: wHAT

**[09:05pm] **Pudding Cup Boy: why would you say that

**[09:06pm] **Pudding Cup Boy: I thought you liked me

**[09:08pm] **Sourwolf: **You overshare like hell and have the shittiest memory**

**[09:08pm] **Sourwolf: **It would be a lose/lose scenario for everyone involved**

**[09:08pm] **Pudding Cup Boy: …

**[09:08pm] **Pudding Cup Boy: fair enough

**[November 1]**

**[00:09am] **Pudding Cup Boy: I should’ve asked before but

**[00:09am] **Pudding Cup Boy: what are we doing tomorrow

**[00:09am] **Pudding Cup Boy: do you really want me to acknowledge you

**[00:10am] **Pudding Cup Boy: cause if its easier for you to pretend that nothings happened for now that’s okay with me

**[00:11am] **Sourwolf: **I do not want to ignore you**

**[00:11am] **Sourwolf: **Maybe we can be friends at school?**

**[00:12am] **Pudding Cup Boy: okay

**[00:12am] **Pudding Cup Boy: sooooooo

**[00:12am] **Pudding Cup Boy: if I go and say hi to you before first period

**[00:12am] **Pudding Cup Boy: thatd be okay?

**[00:13am] **Sourwolf: **Of course**

**[00:15am] **Sourwolf: **And maybe we could have lunch together like you said?**

**[00:15am] **Sourwolf: **With Scott**

**[00:15am] **Pudding Cup Boy: only if youre comfortable with it

**[00:15am] **Pudding Cup Boy: Jacksons gonna be pissed though

**[00:16am] **Sourwolf: **Let me handle him**

**[00:16am] **Sourwolf: **Have you told Scott yet?**

**[00:16am] **Pudding Cup Boy: nope

**[00:16am] **Pudding Cup Boy: I tried to call him but hes not answering

**[00:16am] **Pudding Cup Boy: hes with his girl

**[00:17am] **Pudding Cup Boy: probably

**[00:17am] **Pudding Cup Boy: maybe hes dead

**[00:17am] **Pudding Cup Boy: should I be more worried about his whereabouts?

**[00:17am] **Pudding Cup Boy: I don’t wanna become a shitty friend just because ive got a hot boyfriend you know

**[00:20am] **Sourwolf: **Go to sleep, Stiles**

**[00:20am] **Sourwolf: **I’ll see you tomorrow**

**[03:47am] **Pudding Cup Boy: does the existence of the smurfs Christmas episodes solidify the existence of a smurf jesus who died for their smurf sins?

**[03:56am] **Pudding Cup Boy: fuck youre probably sleeping

**[03:56am] **Pudding Cup Boy: I need answers derekkkkkkkkk

**[06:33am] **Sourwolf: **Why am I dating you**

**[06:52am] **Pudding Cup Boy: was that a question?????????????????

**[06:52am] **Pudding Cup Boy: don’t break up with me pls

**[06:52am] **Pudding Cup Boy: I haven’t had a chance to touch your butt yet

**[06:59am] **Sourwolf: **?????????**

**[07:01am] **Pudding Cup Boy: what

**[07:01am] **Pudding Cup Boy: you’ve got an extraordinary butt

**[07:01am] **Pudding Cup Boy: ive been thinking about touching it for years

**[07:28am] **Sourwolf: **It’s 7am**

**[07:29am] **Pudding Cup Boy: and now the weather

**[07:45am] **Pudding Cup Boy: oh, I see youuuuuuu

**[07:45am] **Pudding Cup Boy: fuck scotts here too

**[07:45am] **Pudding Cup Boy: give me 5 minutes so I can explain everything to him

**[07:46am] **Sourwolf: **Okay**

‘Dude! How was it!? I need to know everything!’

‘Okay, Scotty, listen to me,’ Stiles grabbed Scott by the shoulders and forced him to stay put. ‘Everything went fine, he’s the coolest guy ever, but I need you to keep it a secret for now. Okay? Only for six days. I know you suck at keeping secrets, but I need you to do this for me. It’s very important.’

Scott’s eyes widened at the information.

‘Why? What’s going on? Is he a criminal?’

Stiles shook his head.

‘Nope, but you already know him. And I’m afraid he’s not out yet, so we need to wait a couple of days till he sorts things out at home. Understood?’ Scott nodded enthusiastically. ‘Great, buddy. He’s also going to have lunch with us if that’s okay with you.’

‘Sure. But who is he? How come your number neighbour is at this school?’

Stiles let his eyes focus on Derek, who was still waiting at a prudential distance, and smiled.

‘That I don’t know. Destiny. Fate. Beyoncé… Some superior deity wanted us to talk,’ he said as he forced Scott to turn towards Derek. ‘Scott, meet Sourwolf.’

Derek rolled his eyes at the nickname, but his smile did not falter. When he was close enough to the boys, he offered his hand to Scott.

‘Hi, Scott.’

Astonished, Scott accepted his hand but did not pronounce a single word.

‘I think you’ve broken him.’

‘He’s grown up with _you_ as his best friend. I don’t think he can be broken,’ Derek argued, amused.

Even though Stiles had spent the previous night awake trying to assimilate the fact that Derek Freaking Hale was _his_ boyfriend, now he was as amazed as Scott. That soft smile was for him, those indescribable eyes were fixed on his. And all because he asked for pictures of Cenozoic animals.

‘Hey,’ he said softly.

‘Hey,’ Derek answered in a whisper.

Scott freed himself from Stiles’s hands and took a step back to look at the two of them.

‘Is this for real?’ he asked without expecting an answer. ‘The world has gone crazy.’

‘Yep,’ Stiles grinned making Derek blush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The text about being the worst spy ever was a tumblr post by lesbianshepard and the thing about the smurfs was written by peachy-keener :)


	9. Are you still awake? [extra content]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's taking me so long to post any updates. I'm finding it quite difficult to focus at the moment. Anyway, thank you for your lovely comments. I hope you are all safe and doing well <33333

‘All I’m saying is that March 15th is definitely the worst date ever,’ Stiles proclaimed.

Scott nodded in agreement; his mouth full of half-chewed food.

‘Yep.’

‘I mean, it’s the day when Denzel Crocker lost his happiness.’

‘And it’s also annoy Squiward day,’ Scott chimed in.

‘And the day Marty McFly’s dad is murdered in the bad timeline,’ Stiles said.

Derek arched an eyebrow at the boys. Like Stiles, he hadn’t touched his lunch, but not because he was passionate about the topic they were discussing. He simply was mesmerised by the way their brains worked.

‘Do I need to remind you…’ Derek started, taking them by surprise, ‘that it’s the freaking Ides of March? When Julius Caesar was stabbed like twenty-three times?’

Stiles waved his hand in the air, dismissing his contribution.

‘Well, yeah, that too.’

‘Caesar? Isn’t that a salad?’ Scott asked, visibly confused.

‘It is,’ Stiles agreed. ‘Now, speaking of green food… Who wants to eat my veggies?’

‘Hale? What the hell are you doing?’

Before turning towards Jackson, Derek exchanged a quick look with Stiles. They had managed to avoid almost everybody before first period, but in the cafeteria there was no place to hide. And, if Derek was being honest with himself, he did not want to hide.

‘Hey,’ he said. ‘Everything okay?’

‘I should be the one asking you that,’ Jackson replied. ‘We’ve been looking for you all day and turns out you’re having lunch with these losers?’

Unbothered by the interruption, Scott grabbed some carrots from Stiles’s tray and continued eating.

‘Hey, fucktward, why don’t you…?’

‘Stiles,’ Derek interrupted him before standing up to face Jackson. ‘You don’t have to insult anyone, okay? I’m just hanging out with them today.’

Jackson frowned at his friend.

‘But why? Come on, Lydia and Danny are waiting for us.’

As he tried to grab Derek by the arm, Derek took a step back.

‘I’m staying, but I’ll see you at practice later.’

For a moment, Jackson stared at him in incredulity.

‘Are you serious?’ he asked. ‘I won’t tolerate this kind of idiocy.’

Stiles snorted.

‘So, tell me… Is there another type of idiocy you would be more comfortable with?’

Before Jackson could reach Stiles, Derek pushed him away and rested his right hand on one of Jackson’s shoulders to keep him from trying anything else.

‘Jackson, I’m serious. Let’s not do this in front of everybody. We can talk later.’

Stiles forced himself to keep quiet while Jackson reluctantly walked away. Although it was tempting and satisfying, angering him when Derek had just barely managed to calm him down would have been too risky.

‘”We can talk later”? What are you going to tell him?’ he asked in a whisper.

Derek shrugged.

‘I’ll try to avoid the real conversation until my birthday. Then, I’ll be honest with him.’

‘Seriously? You don’t have to. He’s an asshole.’

‘Don’t waste your time with Jackson,’ said Scott.

‘I know he’s not the nicest person in Beacon Hills and I will never forgive him for bullying you two, but… He offered me his friendship when no one else did. Maybe he did it for the wrong reasons, but thanks to him I wasn’t alone. I owe him a big one for that.’

Stiles grimaced at the reminder.

‘I’m really sorry about that.’

‘About what?’ Scott asked. ‘What are we talking about?’

‘Nothing. Just… eat my chicken nuggets too, Scotty. I’m not that hungry anymore.’

Stiles pushed his tray towards Scott as Derek softly pressed his knee against Stiles’s, inviting him to look him in the eye.

‘Stop punishing yourself for what you did years ago. You had your reasons. It’s alright. I don’t blame you.’

‘Being bullied does not give you the right to treat others badly,’ Stiles sentenced. ‘And neither does having low self-esteem. I should’ve given you a chance.’

‘You’re doing it now.’ With a smile, Derek retrieved Stiles’s food from Scott. ‘Now, eat. Scott’s going to be sick if he keeps devouring everything you throw at him.’

**[November 2]**

**[06:43pm]** Pudding Cup Boy: if I legally bought the Mona Lisa

**[06:43pm]** Pudding Cup Boy: would anyone be able to stop me from eating it?

**[06:56pm]** Sourwolf: **Well…**

**[06:56pm]** Sourwolf: **It’s a free market economy…**

**[06:57pm]** Sourwolf: **But you would be deeply poisoned. I cannot emphasize how poisoned eating the Mona Lisa would make you.**

**[06:58pm]** Pudding Cup Boy: but what a way to go

**[06:58pm]** Sourwolf: **You could only eat it once.**

**[06:58pm]** Pudding Cup Boy: forbidden snack

**[06:59pm]** Sourwolf: **I guess there is nothing wrong with just a taste of what you have paid for…**

**[06:59pm]** Pudding Cup Boy: EXACTLY

**[November 3]**

**[11:02pm] **Pudding Cup Boy: 

**[11:15pm]** Sourwolf: **I just have one question.**

**[11:15pm]** Sourwolf: **What was the train of thought that led you to put these two images together?**

**[11:40pm]** Pudding Cup Boy: an artist never reveals their muse

**[November 6]**

**[02:31am] **Sourwolf: **Hey**

**[02:31am] **Sourwolf: **Are you still awake?**

**[02:32am] **Pudding Cup Boy: of course

**[02:32am] **Pudding Cup Boy: what’s up?

**[02:34am] **Pudding Cup Boy: everything okay??

**[02:34am] **Sourwolf: **Yes**

**[02:34am] **Sourwolf: **I just wanted to thank you**

**[02:34am] **Pudding Cup Boy: ?????

**[02:34am] **Pudding Cup Boy: for what?

**[02:35am] **Sourwolf: **For bearing with me and keeping this a secret**

**[02:35am] **Pudding Cup Boy: you don’t have to thank me

**[02:35am] **Pudding Cup Boy: I mean… its not like its been hard you know

**[02:36am] **Pudding Cup Boy: it would’ve been a bit overwhelming if we’d shared the news with everybody from the beginning

**[02:37am] **Pudding Cup Boy: these days have been awesome tbh

**[02:40am] **Sourwolf: **Would you like to keep it quiet after my birthday then?**

**[02:41am] **Pudding Cup Boy: no fucking way

**[02:41am] **Pudding Cup Boy: im more than ready now

**[02:42am] **Pudding Cup Boy: as much as I love kissing you in empty classrooms and dark corners

**[02:42am] **Pudding Cup Boy: i really really really really rEALLY want to kiss you whenever and wherever

**[02:42am] **Pudding Cup Boy: plus im dying to see jackson’s face when you tell him

**[02:43am] **Pudding Cup Boy: how are things with your uncle btw?

**[02:43am] **Pudding Cup Boy: does he suspect anything?

**[02:44am] **Sourwolf: **He has not even mentioned my birthday**

**[02:44am] **Pudding Cup Boy: hes probably forgotten

**[02:45am] **Sourwolf: **Probably.**

**[02:45am] **Pudding Cup Boy: and the apartment? Is everything ready? Do you need help?

**[02:45am] **Sourwolf: **I get the key tomorrow after school.**

**[02:45am] **Sourwolf: **I have already packed everything I am taking with me.**

**[02:46am] **Pudding Cup Boy: are you really going to move out in the middle of the night?

**[02:46am] **Sourwolf: **I have to**

**[02:47am] **Sourwolf: **Peter sleeps like a log, so he won’t wake up and I will have time to take the car keys and leave**

**[02:47am] **Pudding Cup Boy: jesus

**[02:47am] **Pudding Cup Boy: you sure you don’t want me there helping you?

**[02:48am] **Sourwolf: **I’ll be alright. Don’t worry.**

**[02:50am] **Sourwolf: **But thank you, Stiles**

**[02:51am] **Pudding Cup Boy: youre very welcome, hotwolf :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mona Lisa: tumblr (stimman3000; marxferatu; marzipanandminutiae; stimmystuffs; cryptomaster-leviathan; lord-kitschener; smaug-the-wizard)
> 
> March 15th: tumblr (tomatomagica; eleftheriatic; ubercream; hurgler; kamen-apple-kinkshaming)
> 
> The weird pic: tumblr (kaijuno; thatbassistbitch)
> 
> I have seen the idiocy thing EVERYWHERE but I cannot find the original post, I'm sorry.


End file.
